Every quiet moment, when I was alone with my thoughts, felt invaded by an unrelenting cycle of keeping death close to me. Where are we going to go? Many are already gone—am I just another step for someone else, and what are we stepping towards? It seemed easier to keep those thoughts constantly lingering in my mind rather than be blindsided by the weight of them all at once.

I wasn’t searching for meaning or philosophy. Instead, I was feeding the parasite in my head. I’m not in a place to accept death, though I wish I could be—because it can happen at any moment. People say that as you grow older, you’re more prepared to leave this world. But I still find myself curious, drawn to risk, eager to throw myself into new experiences. Danger isn’t something I shy away from; it makes me feel alive and fuels my curiosity.

When I think about death, I revisit memories and find solace in the thrill of taking risks. It’s a paradox: cherishing life while being tormented by the inevitability of its end. I hope that someday I’ll find acceptance, that I’ll be ready for the moment when it comes. But for now, the parasite remains—demanding to be fed, leaving me oscillating between fear and control.

Creating films demands everything from you, especially when you’re working with no budget and when progress hinges entirely on your efforts. While working on El Portón, I realized the importance of having a clear map—a script that acts as your guide. The journey of making a film must be completed, no matter the challenges, because life moves forward. Time slips by, and the only obstacle standing in the way of finishing the work is yourself.

With that lesson in mind, I embarked on a new journey with Con Mis Dedos (With My Fingers). I hoped that by pouring countless hours into the process and desensitizing myself to the obsessive thoughts tied to the film, I might finally silence the parasite.

Con Mis Dedos explores the power death holds over us—but also challenges the idea that death has total control. Life is a reward, and while that reward comes with the consequence of mortality, it also gives us immense power. The film is a reminder that we have the ability to shape our lives with our own hands. Death isn’t the end; it’s an opportunity—a chance to define what we do with the time we’re given.